By Minerwa Tahir
This is a work of satire
KARACHI: According to the first international experts’ poll on how females fare in the rising number of cities with over 10 million people, Cairo, the capital of Egypt, fared worst globally, reported Thomson Reuters Foundation. Karachi secured the second rank in the most dangerous cities of the world.
With their #MeToo campaign in full swing, women are sharing their experiences of sexual harassment across the world, including Pakistan. Clearly, women have managed to divert all the world's attention to themselves. There are real problems such as natural calamities, which, just btw, are a direct outcome of women's own doing -- all that provocative dressing and audacity to demand choices. But we want to relish in the light of the entire world's attention. You guessed it right: the reason I'm writing is for the same purpose. We thrive on attention.
While we all are aggressively tweeting the #MeToo hashtag, we are aware of the truth. Our manipulative shrewdness amazes me. Everyone knows we are lying. #NotAllMen are like how we are trying to portray and these nonsensical debates must stop once and for all.
Let me share what happened today. I heard a man say that a sleazy person -- I'll call him A as identities of men being falsely accused must be protected -- keeps sending friend requests to "all the beautiful women". One such beautiful woman was there when this conversation was happening and she got 'offended' at this innocent compliment. Now I had had enough of this nonsense.
"You need to take a compliment like a compliment and not make an issue out of everything, okay? Not every girl gets a compliment from A," I told her. It's common knowledge that the beautiful woman secretly enjoyed getting the compliment. Before you jump on to feel sorry for this 'damsel in distress', let me tell you that the guy A is extremely warm, gentle and talented. It's a simple case of jealousy: A is a successful, talented man who is making more money than all of these lazy women. (Don't even get me started on these lazy women. They call in sick almost every month and we all know why.)
Since we are on the topic, let me share our enlightened position on the topic of 'harassment'. Tbh, I feel sorry for all the men out there. Is it a crime that all they are doing is spreading love?
Just yesterday, I was travelling in a rickshaw when a man looked at me longingly in his rearview mirror without blinking an eye. Saliva streaming down the corners of his mouth, what could that mean? It was simply an innocent expression of love. On eye contact, he smiled at me. I gave him a rude gesture and he turned his gaze away with a dejected look on his face. It's common knowledge that I enjoyed the attention. We cry over 'cat-calling'. The least a woman can do is smile. What's the big deal if a man wanted me to do that?
As I am writing this, this guy from another department passed by without looking at me. I once scolded him for staring at me each time he passed by. He has been heartbroken since then. All because of the abuse I subjected him to in response to his innocent, loving advances. Women -- such heartless beings!
And what's all that fuss about 'groping'? A man sees me alone and all he does is try to comfort me with a generous embrace. Isn't it obvious that since I'm alone, I need his compassion?
Do you see the pattern here? The manipulative minds of women are at work in all these situations. (Scientists need to research on our minds so the world can understand us complex creatures.) First, we feed on the attention we receive as men express their love and passion. Next, we get more attention by falsely accusing an innocent being -- like poor old Harvey -- that we are being 'harassed'.
It's high time that we stop with all this drama. It's all #FakeNews. The least you can do when a male coworker takes a peek down your blouse is give him a smile for appreciating your anatomy. You can't just be flaunting yourself in public spaces and not expect a cheeky grab. You can't have it all the ways when all you're doing is #AskingForIt.
